THE BURGLAR AND ME
AFTER A JUDGE DISMISSED CHARGES OF MURDER AGAINST A MAN WHO KILLED A BURGLAR, THE JUDGE SAID THE CHARGE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN BROUGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT ALSO WARNED THAT PERSONS SHOULD NOT USE "EXCESSIVE FORCE" WHEN CONFRONTED WITH AN INTRUDER
"Fuck - you scared the shit out of me. Where'd you spring from?".
"Well, I'm sorry. I just wondered what your are doing here".
"What's it look like I'm fucking doing here twat. I'm a burglar and you've got no right sneeking up on me like that. I'm still shaking. It's gone 3 in the morning and you're supposed to be asleep."
"Oh really. And how am I supposed to sleep with you dragging my TV around like that. And anyhow, I live here and I have every right to sneek up on you. Would you leave please."
"Would I leave please? Would I leave please? Listen, fart face, you are running into serious trouble here mate, trying to order me about like that. And I would point out that that sounded more like a threat than a request."
"OK,take it which way you want. Get out".
"And what are you going to do about it if I don't?"
"I'm going to belt you one with this cricket bat."
""Right, that's it mate. Reasonable force like sneeking up on me without any warning I can take. Telling me to fuck off is getting sodding close to excessive force but I can live with. But coming the heavy with a cricket bat. That, mate is grossly disproportionate force and you, my old sunshine, are for the high jump. You want to call the filth or shall I?"
"Oh, alright then. Look, I'm putting down the bat. Would you please leave my house and we'll say no more about it."
"Well, That's better. A little manners can go a long way. Can you give us a hand with the TV?"