Week 13-07-16 Archive

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OH MR PORTER

CABINET SECRETARY SIR JEREMY HAYWOOD HAS SAID THAT THE PROPOSED HS2 HIGH SPEED RAILWAY LINKING LONDON AND PRINCIPAL MIDLAND CITIES SUCH AS BIRMINGHAM MAY GO ONLY FROM LONDON (WOORMWOOD SCRUBS!)TO CREWE AND MAY ONLY REACH TOP SPEEDS OF 250 mph

Oh Mr Porter, what shall I do

I wanted to go to Birmingham but they've put me off at Crewe

Carry me back to London as quickly as you can

Oh Mr Porter, what a silly girl I am

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In fond memory of both Dr Beeching and Marie Lloyd


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TALL STORY

A SURVEY HAS FOUND THAT DUTCH MEN ARE, ON AVERAGE, THE TALLEST IN THE WORLD

Question - why are Dutch men so tall?

Answer - so they can keep their heads above water if the dykes burst

AND ANOTHER THING

Question - Why are lesbians called dykes?

Answer - I have no idea