Week 23-05-13 Archive

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"You wanted words, PM"

"Yes. Come in George. Sit down. Not to put too fine a point on it, we are in deep shit"

"Tell me about it boss"

"I jolly well will. And cut out the slapstick. We've done bloody well keeping people's minds of the real issues with all this crap about gay marriages but we've come to the end of the road. Our people in the constituencies are turning seriously nasty."

"Like sort of swivel eyed loons, what"

"For Christ's sake cut out the crap George. Someone might hear you and you'll be all over the bloody Sun. Concentrate. We've got to lay off the red herrings and actually do something political and positive. And don't call me boss"

"Not sure I'm with you PM. What's this got to do with me. As Chancellor, I'm hardly involved with gay marriages and stuff"

"No - but as my Chancellor, you're supposed to have a handle on tax matters and you can't go on poncing around accusing people like Google and that coffee lot of dodging taxes with their sodding overseas accounts. Google creamed off 30 billion profits and only coughed up 6 million in UK tax. Tax the buggers George. Tax 'em like everyone else"

"Strewth, that's a tall order PM but I'll give it a go. I'll get back to you"

"You'd better, George, otherwise that UKIP lot are going to see us out of the door. We've got this squaddie murdered in Lewisham but with the killers in custody, we can't rely on the story to run for long to keep the tabloids and party members off our backs"

"Got the point boss. I'm on the case, but taxing these people is not going to go down well with some of my mates. I'm deffo going to lose out on a few City lunches"

"Tell me about it George. And will you STOP calling me boss"