A LETTER FROM CHARLES TO PUTIN
Dear Mr President
I really am most awfully sorry about the frightful fuss resulting from that very brief chat I had with that woman in Canada
Or was it America? I get muddled sometimes between the two. There really does not seem to be a great deal of difference between them other than one has a white President and the other a sort of dark chappie running it
Also, of course, both were at one time run by us and one is still, in a manner of speaking, owned by Mother
Anyhow, and to the point. I did not liken you to a Nazi. That's the twist the bloody BBC put on it. I wish incidentally, that we could have the same sort of a hand in their output as you have with that excellent English language TV station RT
At least one knows where one stands with RT. One hasn't a bloody clue which way the BBC will jump despite the fact that they still play Mummy's favourite song now and then
But back to the point. You must understand that I was faced with a pushy old lady insisting on a chat and she started banging on about the Ukraine. Or was it Yugoslavia?
I lost the plot slightly and, for reasons which I now deeply regret, I piled in with likening you to Hitler
What I want to point out is that I never mentioned the word Nazi. I referred to you as someone like Hitler as you seem to have developed a penchant for walking in to other people's countries
I could equally have compared you to dear old Queen Victoria who positively encouraged that sort of thing
I must say that I am not all that fond of Hitler if, for no other reason, that during the last bit of unpleasantness we had with the Germans, one of his planes had the sheer bloody audacity to come winging up The Mall and dropped a ruddy bomb on Buck House
But not all my family have shared this dislike. I would point out that my great Uncle was best mates with Adolph. He's the one who seriously buggered things up when he fell for an American woman. Or was she Canadian?
Anyhow, apologies all round if I upset you. I must say that I watched you on TV and you didn't seem at all fazed although I must say that your crack about it not being the way Royals behave was a bit below the belt
Yours most sincerely