DID DAVID CAMERON APOLOGISE TO THE QUEEN FOR LETTING ON THAT SHE "PURRED" OVER THE OUTCOME OF THE SCOTTISH REFERENDUM? NOT IF HE TOOK THE ADVICE OF "PHIL THE GREEK" AKA HRH PRINCE PHILIP, DUKE OF EDINBURGH, WHOM HE MET OUTSIDE THE AUDIENCE CHAMBER AT BUCK HOUSE.
Cameron, my dear chap. Here for the regular meeting with the Boss? You've got a face on you like one of those bloody Corgis that's just about to throw up. Something wrong?
Well, sort of sir. Got a bit of a problem actually
What's that then PM? The entire Cabinet defected to that UKIP lot?
No, no, nothing like that, But hang on Sir. Why do you ask? Have you heard something?
Haven't heard a blasted thing old chap. That bloody Palace PR lot dump on any rumours round here and anyhow keep me out of the loop. They're scared witless I might screw things up
Thank goodness. I mean, about defections. You not knowing. Never mind. Actually, what has happened is that I was chatting with the ex-Mayor of New York.............
What on earth were you doing cosying up to one of those blighters?
We happened to be at the same meeting...........
Still a bit rum, chatting to a chap like that. I gather most of them are Mafia lawyers. Best steered clear of
Yes Sir, Well, the thing is I was talking to him and I told him that the Queen practically purred with joy when I told her the Scots had decided not to secede from the Union, and some nearby journalists heard what I said
You don't say. Bloody hacks. Bane of my life. If you see that ginger haired twerp Nicholas Witchell from the BBC give him a kick up the arse for me. Obseqious little runt.
Quite Sir. The thing is, that I feel I should apologise to Her Majesty for rather letting her down. You, know, betraying a confidence. That sort of thing
Great God in his heaven PM. Don't go around apologising at the drop of a hat. Get you nowhere. If she raises the subject, tell her the bloody hacks invented the whole thing.
When you say 'if she raises' do you mean she hasn't mentioned it?
Not to me old son.Purred indeed! The last time the old girl purred was when I managed to raise the necessary when we were celebrating Commonwealth Day. Damn nearly killed me. I fantasised I was riding Camilla. You know - young Charles second missus. Fancy her something wrotten.
Quite so Sir
And don't you go spilling the beans on that to those Mafioso in New York. The buggers will blackmail me the rest of my natural. Worse, they'll tell that smarmy dwarf at the Beeb
Absolutely not Sir.And I'll take your advice